Relationships whether in business or personal are a myriad of emotions and experiences based on trust. We appreciate each other’s unique individual traits through understanding, respect and trust. In a personal or business setting the balance of the masculine and the feminine in all of us, enables a connection which allows us to create and maintain sound alliances and affiliations.
Essentially when we are challenged or uncomfortable, we can become resentful and closed off. Or if we feel we are not being listened to, that too can make us competitive and envious. Unconsciously we attach the “I’m not good enough story” to our value system. Those patterns and impressions we continue to regurgitate throughout our life until we fully understand the reason for the repetitive rewinding and replaying of the stories in our mind.
How many times do you step out of your true authentic self just to fit in? Externally looking for that validation and acknowledgement. Rendering your values and beliefs absent to the truth of who you really are?
We all have stories somewhere in our life’s journey, where we have built a personal or business relationship on an untruth, so that we may be accepted into the fold. Many years ago I used to manage a legal firm, during that time I forged a corporate identity. On numerous occasions I was told to ‘play the game’. I was challenged daily to push myself further to get ahead, to compete with others who I was building true relationships with. What I realized was that the more I gave of myself, I became a shadow of my authentic self just to ‘fit in’. I noticed this was also occurring in my personal life. Where I wore a mask just to be acknowledged and welcomed into a group.
Over the years I have had five successful businesses. I have learned that there is a distinct correlation between how you show up in business and in your personal relationships. These are the 5 tips I have formulated over 30 years.
Tip No. 1
Make a list of your values and beliefs
Before embarking on a path to a new relationship make a list of your own values and beliefs. Ask yourself what do I truly believe? What am I prepared not to compromise moving forward? If looking at creating a new business relationship, find out first what are the company’s beliefs and values, do they align with yours? Do your due diligence. Connect to some of their past customers, their competitors. What is their industry reputation? People appreciate that you have taken the time to complete your own research, it shows integrity and purpose.
In personal relationships, don’t settle for second best. Write down what characteristics you are seeking in a partner. Ask yourself where do each of those qualities show up in my life? How do they show up? I use this example with my clients. A few years ago I met this lady at an event. She mentioned that she was looking for someone very rich to marry. Someone that would take care of her financially, to allow her to travel anywhere in the world and also give her access to other ‘wealthy’ people.
Me: “Are you wealthy?”
Miss A: “No, that’s why I want someone who is, to provide for me financially”.
Me: “What are you prepared to settle for so that you can bring this person into your life?”
Miss A: “What do you mean?”
Me: “Well, you are not wealthy, yet money is important to you. So what are you prepared to give away of yourself so you can find this very rich person to marry you?”
Do you see where I am going with this? When you are not aligned with your beliefs and values and make the choice to be someone else, to enable you to ‘get ahead’ then there is always a cost. The question is what will your cost be? Which leads us to Tip No. 2.
Tip No. 2
Integrity and Truth
Are you willing to ‘sell your soul’ in business or in personal relationships to get ahead?
Would it not be better, to be known as the person who has a set of unwavering beliefs and values that you adhere to and never compromise. How does integrity show up in your life? What is your truth? Understand and know what you stand for. People will flock to you as moths to a flame, because they will want some of that authenticity to rub off on them. I’m speaking from experience. As you adhere to your truth and continue to focus inward, others will sense your energy, that glow you always have about you. They will connect with you and want to sit in your brilliance and light.
In business, believe the right job, promotion, whatever it is for you will come your way. In personal relationships, know undeniably that the right person will enter your life at the right time. Be mindful, as you are that ‘flame’, there will also be people who will be attracted to you, who may not align with your truth. Continue to bring more awareness into your life. There will be some, who will befriend you and then try to take advantage of you. Do not be fearful. The lessons we learn are part of our journey. Stay in your integrity and truth.
Tip No. 3
Giving Your Word
How often do you make a commitment to complete a task and then change your mind at the last minute?
Have you ever forgotten, when you have given your word to someone?
Are you regularly running late for appointments?
My ‘word is my bond’. I am mindful about what I say, when I say it and to who I say it to. There will be moments when for some reason you are unable to keep your word. They should be few and far between. Make sure you connect to the person straight away and explain the situation. Never make excuses, state the facts.
If you are continually running late, missing appointments, changing your mind or forgetting. Ask yourself what does that really say about you? How do you choose to show up? I share with my clients the importance of the energy they are attracting into their life and business. If you are constantly rescheduling appointments or not valuing other people’s time, what do you think you will attract into your business or personal life? I love this quote ‘How you do anything, is how you do everything’.
Always be clear with your communication. I always repeat instructions given to me and if I am working with someone else, I always ask them to repeat what they have heard. This allows us to make sure that we are on the same page and have a clear understanding. I also always follow up with a text or email. Communication is very important for all relationships whether business or personal.
If you feel a time frame is unreasonable for you in completing a task, discuss it with the other party involved and come to an agreed resolution. People love when you take the initiative. Always encourage feedback.
Tip No. 4
Stand Steadfast
Now that you have made the choice to be true to you, and sit in your integrity and truth. You will probably be faced with people offering their own opinions and advice, even when they have not been asked. This could also be the time where you encounter some criticism, questioning the decisions you have made. Stand steadfast in your belief and be unwavering. Check in with yourself and ask, why did I choose the path I am taking? Know the answer lies within you. If it resonates with you, then you have made the choice that aligns with your belief and values. You have made the appropriate decision for you at this time.
We evolve and so do our values and beliefs. As we gain more knowledge and wisdom throughout our journey, we may look at outcomes differently. If someone offers you some advice, research it yourself first before making a conclusion.
Remove yourself from caring about what other people think about your determinations. We can get so attached to the result, that if we do this then this person will like me. We forget that it is all about us, not anyone else. How can you create and maintain personal or business relationships if you do not first have that appreciation of self? If you are always concerned about what other people think, you will never build and cultivate that true connection.
You may encounter people who might not appreciate your choices. Remember they are not you, no matter how similar some of our values are, we as individuals are all different. I am influenced by what is going on in my personal life when I offer my recommendations to you. I use this example with my clients. You ask your friend for relationship advice, if they are going through a tough time in their relationship what point of view will they be sharing with you? What about if they hate their job, what will they be basing their opinion on?
Stand steadfast in your own beliefs.
Tip No. 5
Maintaining Relationships
Surround yourself with likeminded people. Be the person everyone wants to hang around with. Set an example according to your beliefs and values.
Be the total embodiment of who you are. Do not hand over your ‘power’, your ‘individuality’ to your partner whether it be in business or in a personal relationship. Being part of a committed relationship does not mean you give yourself over 100%. Commit to self, first. We all have specific attributes physically, mentally and emotionally. We ‘think’ and ‘act’ differently to situations when they arise. These characteristics make us unique from each other.
As we progress into long term relationships, again whether business or personal, we can condition ourselves into the beliefs, thought processes and patterns of others. When we are not aligned with our truth, the relationship can become imbalanced, through patterning and mirroring.
First and foremost, focus on who you are. What do you believe? Really believe. When you align in business, or with another individual know first the foundation on which you stand. I would encourage you to explore the challenges and differences we all face as individuals in business and personal relationships and the alignment with yourself.
